Why I Don't Believe in Bumper Stickers

A post came up on my friend's feed the other day (because apparently Facebook thinks my own feed isn't enough distraction for me). The post had a picture of a van showing some window decals and bumper stickers and went on to talk about how someone had asked the van's owner about the stickers and had some questions about them. The original poster was very excited that she got the chance to talk with this person and explain what her bumper stickers (and therefore her philosophy) were all about.

No, it was not a religion. 

It was circumcision.

This woman had no less than three stickers on her car espousing her "whole child" philosophy. "His body, his choice," one read.

I don't have a penis, so I don't really have feelings this strong about circumcision (makes you wonder why a woman would have such a strong penis agenda), but it did get me thinking about the concept of bumper stickers in general. 

I have never put a bumper sticker on my car for anything, and here's why.

They Ruin Your Car

Have you ever seen anybody successfully remove a bumper sticker or window decal? You can always see the scars they leave behind. I love my car (and its resale value! Hey, I'm a Scot married to a Jew, what do you expect?) too much to ruin the paint job just to broadcast my opinion on something.

The farthest I would go is a car magnet, but even then, you gotta pick your battles because...

No One Cares About You (or Your Family)

My husband and I have a little chuckle every time we see one of those big monograms that preppy college girls get on their windows. We shake our heads in wonder and disappointment at the stick figure families or—even worse—those dancing, baseball-playing, or karate-kicking decals that list a name beneath them.

Because, and this may come as a shock to most of you, no one cares. No one cares that you have 3 kids and a cat. No one cares that your initials are SGM. No one cares that you have a daughter named "Kayla" who takes dance lessons (except maybe a pedophile, which is an entirely different rant altogether). 

Driving home from Target one day, I was in traffic behind a van that was driven by a cloth diapering, breastfeeding, baby wearing, all-natural mom. I know this, because her car told me. I also plan on cloth diapering and breastfeeding, but I still didn't care that this mom did.

It's a very weird sort of "social media" culture we live in: one that thinks everybody on earth should know (and care! and "like!") that we had a bagel for breakfast that morning. That every driver on the road needs to know your initials, the name/hobby/amount of your children, or what sports team you like.

"But, Julie," you say, "I have very strong beliefs about very serious subjects, not just my family! Isn't it moral of me to post my religious, political, or activist beliefs on my car to get the word out?"

A Bumper Sticker Has Never Changed Anyone's Mind

Ahh...traffic evangelism! The one solid bastion of reason and solidity that society can rely on to keep itself on the straight and narrow!

Or, no, wait, hold on a second...that's not it at all. 

Bumper stickers (or window decals, or license plate frames, or car magnets) don't change people's philosophy. You don't sway right or left based on how many Obama or anti-Obama stickers you see.

Those who agree with your philosophy will approve of, and understand, your bumper sticker. The rest will either ignore it or cut you off in traffic as payback. 

That is how people work: they seek out the evidence that already confirms their preconceived ideas, and they ignore everything else. Especially a witty quip or a 3x10" sticker that they can drive right past.

In a blog post, for instance, you can make an explosive headline (the bumper sticker, if you will), but then you get as many words as you want to explain yourself. You can use those words to be more rational or to be more explosive and controversial, but people will still choose to either ignore you (again, because they don't care!) or find out more. To explain a bumper sticker, you'd have to be right there next to—but outside of—your car at the perfect time for an interested party to ask about them.

Bumper stickers are a rock through a window: a brief burst of noise with no rationale. 

Which is why, even though I care (deeply) about many different things—

• My daughter, Ava
• Pregnancy and infant loss awareness
• Speaking out against abortion
• Doctor Who

—I refuse to use my car as a mobile social media feed to broadcast my brain to strangers.

I have this blog instead.

And you can either ignore it or read it.