Pregnancy Survival Kit

 
When my sister-in-law was pregnant with her oldest (my nephew, Jordan), I remember wanting to buy her something to commemorate the occasion. No, I didn't want to buy HIM anything; everyone does that. And, as cute as those little onesies are, what is a newly pregnant mom supposed to do with it when all she wants to do is sleep and stop feeling sick?

How to Plan a Perfect Wedding (in Half the Time!)

When D. and I got engaged on April 8th, 2007, I knew I was in for a whirlwind of wedding plans, but I had no idea how stressful it could be. It was my first wedding (and my last!), and all of the wedding timelines I found online were over the course of a year.

A whole year to wait until I was married? No, thank you. I wanted to be married NOW, danggit!

But of course I didn't want to get married over the winter when it was cold (even in Florida, we get pretty cold weather in January/February), and getting married too close to Thanksgiving or Christmas was out of the question. So that left October, which meant ::gulp:: 6 months to plan a wedding. Not a backyard wedding or an elopement with a little party afterward. A full-on, cut-the-cake, hire-a-band, wear-a-crinoline type wedding.

Can it be done?

Spoiler alert: It can. While working full-time.

Easy, Cheesy, Calzone Pizza

A few months ago, I added calzones into our dinner rotation. I used a great pizza crust recipe, I used ricotta and mozzarella cheeses like a typical Italian place, but there always seemed to be something...off. 

Either there was too much crust and not enough toppings, or the flavor was just too flat. I even tried dipping the calzone in garlic butter, but it wasn't the same as those amazing calzones we get from our local pizza place.

And then I had a brainstorm.

A Special Announcement

To paraphrase J.M. Barrie, this news shouldn't be written in ink (or bytes), but with a golden splash. D and I have finally caught our rainbow baby, a little girl, due to arrive on April 5, 2015. (Easter Sunday!)

We had the anatomy scan on Monday and we were both very nervous about the results, as this was about the same time we discovered Ava's birth defects on one of the worst days of our lives. This time, however, everything looks PERFECT. I finally shed a tear of joy (the first in this whole pregnancy!) after counting the right amount of fingers, toes, and bones (on each limb!), seeing the diaphragm, and finding out that we are having a girl! 

That last part kind of shocked me. I had been about 75% sure it was a boy. I even started calling the baby "Chuck Norris" (you know, because it was kicking my butt!). Oops. Sorry, baby. 

The news was especially joyous and timely because it came the day before Ava's second birthday. I had asked Ava to pick out her own siblings and to make sure they get to us somehow. I definitely feel that this baby is a gift from God as well as her big sister and I can't wait to meet her!

After two years of heartbreaking grief, I am so ready to have something to look forward to. No, this new daughter in no way replaces Ava or "redeems" her loss. We will always feel her absence terribly and will always wish that both of our girls could be here with us. But a new life brings light to our darkness. She will bring happiness into our grief, mingling with it, but not defeating it.

Homemade Goo Gone

Mason jars are mad popular on Pinterest.

Seriously, if you've spent more than 5 minutes browsing through Pinterest, chances are—amid the mustaches, baby pictures, wedding photos, and Nutella recipes—you'll see at least 6 pins featuring Mason jars. 

I love them, too, because I think storing pantry staples and greens in a Mason jar is a much more attractive option than a frumpy zip-top bag or dirty Tupperware container. And when your pantry and fridge are attractive, doesn't that make cooking (and eating) more enjoyable? 

But we don't have room in our budget for a pallet (Ooh! Pallet crafts!) of Mason jars...especially when you can get the same thing (basically free) from your recycling bin. 

I have now saved about 5 glass containers that held everything from pasta sauce to maple syrup. The only problem is the labels. Not only do they look ugly, they keep you from seeing what's inside and mentally throw you off when trying to take "what should we make for dinner" inventory. 

The solution? Homemade Goo Gone!

Chicken Apple Sausage

I'm so proud of myself, guys. I developed this recipe on my very own!

It was inspired by a recent trip to Cape Cod. (Sandwich, Massachusetts, to be exact. Yes, that is the real name of the town.) A breakfast place we went to offered chicken apple sausage instead of regular sausage, which always thrills us. We LOVE sausage, but no longer eat pork. You wouldn't believe how few places have turkey or chicken sausage on the menu. Even Publix's chicken sausage is stuffed into a pork casing.

I came home from that trip with total culinary inspiration and whipped up a batch of chicken apple sausage patties for dinner the other night. I took one bite and was SO proud of myself!

Why I Don't Believe in Bumper Stickers

A post came up on my friend's feed the other day (because apparently Facebook thinks my own feed isn't enough distraction for me). The post had a picture of a van showing some window decals and bumper stickers and went on to talk about how someone had asked the van's owner about the stickers and had some questions about them. The original poster was very excited that she got the chance to talk with this person and explain what her bumper stickers (and therefore her philosophy) were all about.

No, it was not a religion. 

Passover Macaroons

I spent the first few years of our marriage kinda freaking out about Passover every year. What meals could I make? What meals could I adapt? What would I have to give up?

It took a few years to get the hang of it, but I think I've gotten the whole diet pretty figured out by now. My husband and I are (semi) kosher (we eat white meat with dairy, but not red meat). We also follow the Sephardic rules of Passover, which means we do eat rice and corn and don't worry about getting the "special" Coke. After all, the Bible just said no leavening, not "no grains." (If grains weren't allowed, then matzo wouldn't be either! It's made from flour!)

Tonight's dinner was actually gluten heavy, because we managed to eat before sundown, but I managed to Jew it back up with one of my favorite Passover treats: coconut macaroons.

What Gay People Need to Know About Christians

In recent years (well, probably since forever, really), there has been a lot of debate about gay marriage. You know this already. You know there is the one side that supports gay marriage because this is an enlightened age and we have no place for hate and judgment. You know that there is the other side that is against gay marriage because they are hateful and don't understand anything beyond their own nose. 

You've got it all wrong.

How to Cope With Losing Your Baby

Step 1: 

Cry a few times.

Step 2:

Throw a lovely memorial service.

Step 3: 

Spend a month or two journaling and staring introspectively at the ocean.

Step 4: 

Take an exotic vacation with your husband to learn to have fun again.

Step 5:

Have "another baby." You know. The one everyone keeps reminding you that you can have.

Step 6: 

If previous steps were ineffective, take antidepressants.

You're right. I'm so NOT serious about this.

Is There Really a War on Christianity?

My husband and I consider ourselves to be moderates (not heavily liberal or heavily conservative), but we do watch mostly liberal news networks. (GASP! Shun the non-believers!) Whether you agree with our choice of dinner-time programming or not, I find that it unveils a lot about what's wrong with the GOP (and, because we watch The Daily Show, we hear a lot about what's wrong with politics in general).

And, sometimes, it gets me thinking.

Collectible (2.24.14)

I was watching a TV show
where a man owned a comic book,
a "collectible."
He was hoping to sell it,
but only for a million dollars.
"How much is it worth?"
he asked the expert, who answered
with a snide little twinkle in his eye,
"As much as the buyer is willing to pay."

Now,
I'm not that interested in comic books
or collectibles,
but, as a woman,
I know how it feels to be valued
based on whether enough people want you.
I know that you can be Limited Edition,
autographed by the
Author Himself
but if you have any "imperfections"
(the kind that prove you have an identity
or a past)
you might as well be thrown away.

My daughter was born missing
three toes
a radius bone
an ovary.
Her diaphragm was a tattered scrap of paper
torn out of the first chapter of her life.
She was the collectible comic book
that has been opened and read and pored over,
touched and loved until she fell apart,
her insides literally spilling out into a plastic sheath
that held her together.

The doctors had offered to take her off my hands,
cheap.
But she was worth so much more than that
and not because
I wanted her.

My daughter and I
are not collectibles.
You are worth more
than a comic book.

Our value lies
not in whether we are wanted
but in whether we
Are.

Do DIY Cleaning Products Really Work?

I like to think I hit a healthy medium when it comes to being "green." I drive an SUV (not even a hybrid one), but I get on my husband's case a bit for wasting paper towels and foil. So when it comes to cleaning, I'm all about DIY cleaning products because they're cheap and the ingredients are readily available. The whole "non-toxic" thing is an added bonus. But more important to me is cleanliness. After all, if you're not getting your house clean, does it really matter how much money you're saving?

Somehow, I stumbled onto Melissa Maker's blog over at CleanMySpace.com. And lemme tell ya. This lady knows her stuff. She actually owns a cleaning company in Toronto, but decided to put her expertise on the web where everyone can benefit. I trusted the cleaning maven to tell me that DIY products were the bee's knees, but also wanted to try it out for myself.

Pain (2.13.14)

I am in pain.
It is an absence,
a tearing away of what ought
to exist.
It is the sinkhole
that eats everything.
It is the black hole
from which even light cannot escape.
It is emptiness.

I am in pain.
It is heavy,
a crushing weight that,
every day,
I must heave uphill.
It is the boulder that,
every day,
rolls back down.
It is the avalanche that suffocates me.
It is all there is.

I am in pain
because you are absent.
I am in pain
because I cannot escape.

I am in pain because of you.

I love you.
I love this pain.

Studying the Bible (When You Just Don't Know Where to Start)

I recently (this morning) decided that I need to slough off some of my anger towards God and start studying the Bible. I want to be one of those people that knows the Word back and front. I want to be able to quote verses off the top of my head when I need to make a snarky insightful comment on someone's Facebook status. I want to have these verses at my fingertips when I'm having a bad day or a bad hour. 

Despite being raised in a Christian household and attending DOZENS of different Bible studies throughout my life, I had never really learned HOW to study the Bible. Do I just open up to a random page and start reading, trusting that 1 Kings 2:3 is exactly what God wants me to hear? Do I need to find a good devotional online or at Family Christian Bookstore? Do I need a concordance or lessons in ancient Aramaic? (I hope not, but my dad would tell you there's no better way to read the NT!)

If I Had My Way...

If I had my way, bereaved mothers would stand out. They would look different. The world would be able to see, at a glance, that we had suffered the most tragic loss you can imagine.

My Thoughts on Parenting

I struggled long and hard before publishing this post. On the one hand, I felt like there are a lot of other posts going around that I simply don't agree with, and I jumped at the chance to offer my own opinions. On the other hand, I know that several people (friends of mine) might be offended by what I have to say.

Please know that I am not trying to spark a debate. I'm not trying to tell you that your parenting style is wrong. Really. If I was trying to do that, I would approach you directly (and privately) and tell you. I may disagree with you, but I am respectful enough to keep my distance. All I ask is the same from you.

"I Would Die" (12.20.2013)

But the thing is, you don't.

What frightens is not Death,
it's having to emerge, the lone survivor,
from the burning wreckage.
It's remembering the closeness of the bomb,
the crash of concrete and the crush of brick.
It's breathing in the dust and rubble and saying,
"This is my home.
This is where I will live."

3 Arguments Pro-Choicers (and Pro-Lifers!) Need to STOP Making!

For my entire life (but especially since becoming pregnant), I have been adamantly Pro-Life. This may come as a surprise to some, but I also consider myself a feminist and (in some ways, at least) rather liberal.

I am Pro-Life not because I believe that women shouldn't have to right to control their bodies, but because I believe they should not have the right to create someone and then kill that someone simply because another life would be inconvenient.