God is Nesting

Those of you who have read this blog for a while (or who know me personally) know that I've been through the ringer when it comes to faith in God. I've been angry at Him. I've attempted to get back into reading my Bible. I stopped reading my Bible (for a year), then—recently—started again.

You may also know that I'm currently expecting (any day now!) our "rainbow baby," and have been furiously nesting (everything but cleaning, really) in preparation for her arrival.

Well, today, I came to the realization that God has been "nesting," too.

Why I Don't Believe in Bumper Stickers

A post came up on my friend's feed the other day (because apparently Facebook thinks my own feed isn't enough distraction for me). The post had a picture of a van showing some window decals and bumper stickers and went on to talk about how someone had asked the van's owner about the stickers and had some questions about them. The original poster was very excited that she got the chance to talk with this person and explain what her bumper stickers (and therefore her philosophy) were all about.

No, it was not a religion. 

What Gay People Need to Know About Christians

In recent years (well, probably since forever, really), there has been a lot of debate about gay marriage. You know this already. You know there is the one side that supports gay marriage because this is an enlightened age and we have no place for hate and judgment. You know that there is the other side that is against gay marriage because they are hateful and don't understand anything beyond their own nose. 

You've got it all wrong.

Is There Really a War on Christianity?

My husband and I consider ourselves to be moderates (not heavily liberal or heavily conservative), but we do watch mostly liberal news networks. (GASP! Shun the non-believers!) Whether you agree with our choice of dinner-time programming or not, I find that it unveils a lot about what's wrong with the GOP (and, because we watch The Daily Show, we hear a lot about what's wrong with politics in general).

And, sometimes, it gets me thinking.

Studying the Bible (When You Just Don't Know Where to Start)

I recently (this morning) decided that I need to slough off some of my anger towards God and start studying the Bible. I want to be one of those people that knows the Word back and front. I want to be able to quote verses off the top of my head when I need to make a snarky insightful comment on someone's Facebook status. I want to have these verses at my fingertips when I'm having a bad day or a bad hour. 

Despite being raised in a Christian household and attending DOZENS of different Bible studies throughout my life, I had never really learned HOW to study the Bible. Do I just open up to a random page and start reading, trusting that 1 Kings 2:3 is exactly what God wants me to hear? Do I need to find a good devotional online or at Family Christian Bookstore? Do I need a concordance or lessons in ancient Aramaic? (I hope not, but my dad would tell you there's no better way to read the NT!)

If I Had My Way...

If I had my way, bereaved mothers would stand out. They would look different. The world would be able to see, at a glance, that we had suffered the most tragic loss you can imagine.

My Thoughts on Parenting

I struggled long and hard before publishing this post. On the one hand, I felt like there are a lot of other posts going around that I simply don't agree with, and I jumped at the chance to offer my own opinions. On the other hand, I know that several people (friends of mine) might be offended by what I have to say.

Please know that I am not trying to spark a debate. I'm not trying to tell you that your parenting style is wrong. Really. If I was trying to do that, I would approach you directly (and privately) and tell you. I may disagree with you, but I am respectful enough to keep my distance. All I ask is the same from you.

"I Would Die" (12.20.2013)

But the thing is, you don't.

What frightens is not Death,
it's having to emerge, the lone survivor,
from the burning wreckage.
It's remembering the closeness of the bomb,
the crash of concrete and the crush of brick.
It's breathing in the dust and rubble and saying,
"This is my home.
This is where I will live."

3 Arguments Pro-Choicers (and Pro-Lifers!) Need to STOP Making!

For my entire life (but especially since becoming pregnant), I have been adamantly Pro-Life. This may come as a surprise to some, but I also consider myself a feminist and (in some ways, at least) rather liberal.

I am Pro-Life not because I believe that women shouldn't have to right to control their bodies, but because I believe they should not have the right to create someone and then kill that someone simply because another life would be inconvenient.

Wrestling With God

Naturally, there are many difficult aspects to grieving your child. There's the pain of loss. Coping with losing the "rest of your life." Dealing with the worries and realities of continuing to grow your family and have more children. The anxiety of going to shopping malls and amusement parks and museums and know that somebody, some horribly ignorant fool, will bring their baby along and you'll have to deal with seeing a happy family that isn't your own. Almost none of these hold a candle to theological struggles.

How "Doctor Who" Changed My Life

When I first started watching the long-running BBC series "Doctor Who," it was—how do I put this?—a tumultuous time in my life. I had just lost my 4-day-old daughter, I was recovering from a C-section and couldn't drive. So once my husband had gone back to work, I had a lot of free time on my hands. Now, normally this would be a blessing. But when you're grieving, free time is the enemy. I now had plenty of time to think about how sad I was, how much pain I was in, how my future was completely blank. I wish I could say God pulled me through (and I guess, ultimately, He did and will), but at the time, I was still super angry at Him and we weren't quite on speaking terms.

I had seen a lot of buzz about Doctor Who on Pinterest and figured it might be something I was interested in, so I gave it a shot. The first few episodes were a little (okay, a lot) cheesy, but once it hit a stride, I was hooked. And I think it was more than the plot or the characters...it spoke to me where I was and taught me some things.

So What Does That Make Me?

I love (and when I say "love," I mean LOVE) Pinterest. I'm on it all the time. I especially like the random pictures and quotes in the "Humor" section that sometimes just make my day.

Until I come across things like this lovely blog post. Go ahead and read it (it's short). I'll wait.

I see this type of thing a lot. I see things like, "You're not a real parent until you've swatted blindly in the backseat hoping to connect with a kid." Or "You're not a real parent until you've flipped your child off behind his back at least once." (Seriously. Think about what flipping someone off really means and decide whether that's the type of attitude you should have toward your own children.) There's even a popular Buzzfeed list going around called "27 Reasons Why Kids Are Actually The Worst."

Laughing yet?

Year Two

As we reach the finish line of Year One Without Ava, I'm reminded that this means it's only the beginning of Year Two Without Ava. This scares me, because I've heard from various sources that the second year is harder than the first.

Lessons Where You Least Expect Them

Today's lesson is brought to you by tea:

Sometimes, hot water brings out your best qualities and turns you into something strong and wonderful. But if you let yourself steep for too long, you'll become bitter.

Welcoming Grief

As I go through the process of grieving my lost daughter, I'm learning more and more that it is a journey through uncharted territory. Many, many people have gone through grief before I did; and many more people will experience it after me. But it is a new journey for each person and no one goes through it the same way. You can try to share your experience with others, but it is something that each person has to live for themselves in order to truly understand it.

Was Lost, But Now I'm Found

And then there's those moments when you thought you were so lost that no one would ever find you, but you see someone--a stranger--waving at you from a short distance. And you think, "maybe I'm headed in the right direction, after all." That's what this song did to me.