Best Books of 2013

I do a lot of reading and I have developed the rather obsessive habit of writing down a list of every book I read, along with a rating system of how much I liked it (yes, I am a huge nerd). No stars means the book was good enough to finish, but didn't blow me away. One star means the book kept me reading. Two stars means I was in awe of the plot, writing, or characters and I would wholeheartedly recommend it. Three stars means the same as two stars, but that it also made me cry (less than a dozen books have ever gotten this rating).

These were the best (but not all of the) books I read during the year 2013. These are not (all) books that were published in 2013.

A Letter From My Daughter

This year for my dad's 60th (!!!) birthday, my mom wanted to do something special to celebrate him. My dad is very introverted and reserved, so I suggested that we contact his friends and family around the country and have them write a letter to him. We told them that they could share a memory, what they felt about him, how much he meant to them...whatever they wanted. 

I received the letters in my mailbox and e-mail inbox and was so touched by the kind and loving words everyone had for such an amazing man. I was also really awakened by the fact that most people don't get to hear these types of things at all, because they only spoken at funerals. It really brought home the point that we need to tell people how we feel about them when they are still here.

It also reminded me that I will never get to hear what my daughter feels about me.

Wrestling With God

Naturally, there are many difficult aspects to grieving your child. There's the pain of loss. Coping with losing the "rest of your life." Dealing with the worries and realities of continuing to grow your family and have more children. The anxiety of going to shopping malls and amusement parks and museums and know that somebody, some horribly ignorant fool, will bring their baby along and you'll have to deal with seeing a happy family that isn't your own. Almost none of these hold a candle to theological struggles.

My Secret Formula for Perfect Homemade Pizza

I've been trying out homemade pizza a few different ways lately, trying to see what the best/tastiest/easiest method would be. We tried it on the grill (HARD!), on an upside-down baking sheet (like a DIY Pizza stone) and on a pizza pan. I tried different recipes and different methods of stretching out the dough.

Ladies and gentlemen...I've discovered my secret formula!

Christmas Decorations!

I spent ALL DAY decorating for Christmas yesterday. And when I say "all day," I really mean it. I started around 10am and finished decorating the tree around 9:30pm (with breaks for cooking meals and eating and watching old episodes of '30 Rock' on Netflix, of course). Much of this time included a lot of pre-planning for organizing my decorations a little better when I put them away at the end of the month. Our guest room closet is literally just the Christmas decoration closet because there is no room for anything else. I thought if I put things in clearly-labeled plastic totes we could put everything in the attic and leave the closet free for guests. Now we only need some attic stairs....

Look What We Got!

The 1st anniversary of Ava's passing came and went, and we "celebrated" (for lack of a better word) by unveiling her new grave marker.

How "Doctor Who" Changed My Life

When I first started watching the long-running BBC series "Doctor Who," it was—how do I put this?—a tumultuous time in my life. I had just lost my 4-day-old daughter, I was recovering from a C-section and couldn't drive. So once my husband had gone back to work, I had a lot of free time on my hands. Now, normally this would be a blessing. But when you're grieving, free time is the enemy. I now had plenty of time to think about how sad I was, how much pain I was in, how my future was completely blank. I wish I could say God pulled me through (and I guess, ultimately, He did and will), but at the time, I was still super angry at Him and we weren't quite on speaking terms.

I had seen a lot of buzz about Doctor Who on Pinterest and figured it might be something I was interested in, so I gave it a shot. The first few episodes were a little (okay, a lot) cheesy, but once it hit a stride, I was hooked. And I think it was more than the plot or the characters...it spoke to me where I was and taught me some things.

So What Does That Make Me?

I love (and when I say "love," I mean LOVE) Pinterest. I'm on it all the time. I especially like the random pictures and quotes in the "Humor" section that sometimes just make my day.

Until I come across things like this lovely blog post. Go ahead and read it (it's short). I'll wait.

I see this type of thing a lot. I see things like, "You're not a real parent until you've swatted blindly in the backseat hoping to connect with a kid." Or "You're not a real parent until you've flipped your child off behind his back at least once." (Seriously. Think about what flipping someone off really means and decide whether that's the type of attitude you should have toward your own children.) There's even a popular Buzzfeed list going around called "27 Reasons Why Kids Are Actually The Worst."

Laughing yet?

Strong (10.30.13)

But the truth is
that we are not made of stone,
merely covered by it.
This is how it grew there:
slowly and painfully, built by tears,
as the groundwater builds the stalactite.
We held still
as it embraced us
and did not run away.

Year Two

As we reach the finish line of Year One Without Ava, I'm reminded that this means it's only the beginning of Year Two Without Ava. This scares me, because I've heard from various sources that the second year is harder than the first.

Three-Ingredient Caramel Apple Spice

Several years ago, my friend Jennie got me hooked on the Caramel Apple Spice from Starbucks. As a non-coffee drinker, this heavenly nectar is like the balm of Gilead during a time where Pumpkin Spice Latte fans take over. My then-boyfriend worked at a coffee shop and asked why I didn't just start making them at home. "It's so easy," I believe he said.

It so is.

Lessons Where You Least Expect Them

Today's lesson is brought to you by tea:

Sometimes, hot water brings out your best qualities and turns you into something strong and wonderful. But if you let yourself steep for too long, you'll become bitter.

How to Use Pinterest to Make the Holidays Less Stressful

There are only 12 more Saturdays until Christmas. You're lying if you say that doesn't freak you out.

But wait a second. Christmas should be the most magical time of the year! With sugarplums and fairy lights and sleigh rides (although here in Florida, our "sleighs" have wheels cuz no snow). I love Christmas and I love being able to fully enjoy the season. But for me, December 1st is when the alarm in my head goes off and I start to think, "Ack! Christmas is only 3 1/2 weeks away! I need to go shopping!" and every spare minute is spent either driving from store to store or racking my brain thinking about what to buy.

I always tell myself I'm going to start shopping early, but let's be honest. That NEVER happens. This year, I decided to use some of my favorite things to help me plan WAY ahead of schedule: Pinterest and my favorite word processing software.

DIY Laundry Detergent

I realize I'm probably the last Pinterester on the planet to tackle the project of making my own laundry detergent, but if you've ever researched it yourself, you'll forgive me. There are a TON of laundry detergent (sorry, laundry soap) recipes out there, and each of them had their pitfalls. I got so confused and frustrated over the couple of days (yes, days) it took me to sift through the information (and I'm still probably missing out on something). So, to make it easier on you, I broke down my search into manageable bites.

Welcoming Grief

As I go through the process of grieving my lost daughter, I'm learning more and more that it is a journey through uncharted territory. Many, many people have gone through grief before I did; and many more people will experience it after me. But it is a new journey for each person and no one goes through it the same way. You can try to share your experience with others, but it is something that each person has to live for themselves in order to truly understand it.

BBC's Sherlock Theories

I told you right on my byline that this blog would be full of random thoughts. You can't fault me.

Yes, like anybody else worthy of talking to, I've become OBSESSED with BBC's "Sherlock." In case you've been living under a rock, the series is just two seasons long, with three 1 1/2 hour episodes in each season. Yes. That's only 6 episodes. But they are all BRILLIANT! If you haven't seen the series yet, don't read the rest of this post. If you think you don't want to see the show, you're wrong. It's all on Netflix and there's still time until Season 3 airs. This post will still be here. Go watch.

Some Background...

This blog will most likely end up being about whatever happens to pop into my head during the day, but much of it will revolve around what I consider to be THE defining event in my life, so I thought it would be appropriate to talk about it (briefly).

Was Lost, But Now I'm Found

And then there's those moments when you thought you were so lost that no one would ever find you, but you see someone--a stranger--waving at you from a short distance. And you think, "maybe I'm headed in the right direction, after all." That's what this song did to me.

DIY Belt Day!

I had decided earlier this year that I wanted one of those wide elastic belts to wear over a sweater or tunic dress. I had found a cute one with flowers on it at the mall for about $10, but decided against it, for whatever reason.

Then, I found Pinterest. Hallelujah.