To paraphrase J.M. Barrie, this news shouldn't be written in ink (or bytes), but with a golden splash. D and I have finally caught our rainbow baby, a little girl, due to arrive on April 5, 2015. (Easter Sunday!)
We had the anatomy scan on Monday and we were both very nervous about the results, as this was about the same time we discovered Ava's birth defects on one of the worst days of our lives. This time, however, everything looks PERFECT. I finally shed a tear of joy (the first in this whole pregnancy!) after counting the right amount of fingers, toes, and bones (on each limb!), seeing the diaphragm, and finding out that we are having a girl!
That last part kind of shocked me. I had been about 75% sure it was a boy. I even started calling the baby "Chuck Norris" (you know, because it was kicking my butt!). Oops. Sorry, baby.
The news was especially joyous and timely because it came the day before Ava's second birthday. I had asked Ava to pick out her own siblings and to make sure they get to us somehow. I definitely feel that this baby is a gift from God as well as her big sister and I can't wait to meet her!
After two years of heartbreaking grief, I am so ready to have something to look forward to. No, this new daughter in no way replaces Ava or "redeems" her loss. We will always feel her absence terribly and will always wish that both of our girls could be here with us. But a new life brings light to our darkness. She will bring happiness into our grief, mingling with it, but not defeating it.
